From Me to Mother: The Evolution of Self as a First Time Mom

When I found out I was expecting, I was overjoyed and a little unsure. Pregnancy in and of itself was a totally new experience but tack on to that the fact that I was going to be a first time mom and, well, it was a lot to take in.

Becoming a first-time mom felt like someone handed me a ticket to the most thrilling, unpredictable rollercoaster. I’d heard all the stories (I have four older sisters), got tons of advice, and read all the books, but nothing truly prepared me for this journey of self-discovery and transformation.

I found myself on a path where every turn, drop, and climb reshaped my understanding of the world and myself. So, here’s my story of how my identity changed when I became a mom, from the highs to the lows and every sleepless night in between.

Life Before the Bump:

They say hindsight is always 20/20 and I think that’s true. Sometimes it is hard to recognize what you have in the moment.

Sometimes I wonder what I did with all of my time before having a baby. Don’t get me wrong, before kids I thought I was busy and I think I truly was. The difference is that I was busy with my own things.

I could go to the gym in the morning if I wanted to. I could make dinner after work or my husband and I could just grab a quick bite to eat at a restaurant (no high chair necessary). If we felt like chocolate cake was a good idea at 10 pm, we could run to the store and get chocolate cake. And don’t even get me started on how simple travel was.

Quick PSA: If you’re a first time mom, I 10/10 recommend going on pregnancy-friendly dates and soaking up the last bit of time of it being just the two of you. It makes the season of pregnancy so sweet and celebratory as you look forward to growing your family.

I can’t complain though. I so desperately wanted to be a mother. I always wanted to stay home and fold laundry while a baby crawled around the living room. To go on walks in the mornings pushing a stroller. To read books and sing lullabies and enjoy baby snuggles.

Yes, life before the bump was easier but I knew life with a baby would be more meaningful.

Sleepless Nights and Self-Reflection

The experience of childbirth was nothing short of transformative. As a first-time mom, I didn’t know what to expect when it came to labor. At 41 weeks baby girl made her way into the world weighing a whole 10 pounds 2 ounces.

I had every intention to have as natural of a birth as possible and made it all the way to 10 centimeters but her shoulders were stuck due to her size and after hours of pushing (four to be precise), I got a c-section.

Although it was sheer joy hearing her first cry, I found postpartum to be incredibly different than I expected as I worked to recover not only from labor but a c-section, for which I had none of the necessary recovery items.

The hardest part, though, was the range of emotions and hormones as I tried to come to terms with the birth and experience while learning to take care of a newborn. There was an undeniable mix of feelings.

On one hand, I felt like a superhero — I mean, I just brought life into this world! But on the other hand, there was this raw vulnerability, a realization of the weight of responsibility now resting on my shoulders. I remember I kept telling my husband “I feel like I am trying to get a PhD in physics with absolutely no experience or qualifications!”

Those first days and weeks were a blur of contrasts: the pride of nurturing my baby intertwined with the grueling demands of constant feedings, the haze of sleep deprivation, and the ever-present shadow of self-doubt.

Many times, in the midst of those quiet, dark nights, while the world slept and I was awake with my baby, I found myself lost in thought. “Is this the same ‘me’ as before?” “How has motherhood changed me?”

During those quiet moments, between lullabies and diaper changes, I really started to think about who I was becoming as a mom. It was a journey, full of questions and new discoveries about myself.

Rediscovering Myself in Motherhood

Becoming a mom was like looking into a mirror and seeing a version of myself I’d never met before. I was amazed at the resilience I found within, the patience I never knew I had, and a kind of love that’s impossible to put into words. It’s like my heart grew three sizes overnight.

Yet, amidst these realizations, there were also challenges. Motherhood, with all its beauty, came with its demands, often consuming every ounce of my energy and time. I had to learn – often the hard way – how to find moments to breathe amidst the never-ending learning curve.

This journey wasn’t just about embracing my role as a mom but also grappling with what that meant for me, as just Jenna. I absolutely loved being a mother, yet I was in uncharted waters, trying to define what “mom” looked like as part of my identity.

While I was more than ready to wear the “mom” title with pride, navigating its nuances and blending it with my personal identity became a daily exploration.

Navigating Social Relationships

Becoming a mom had a ripple effect, not just within me, but in the realm of my relationships as well. Friendships shifted in ways I hadn’t quite anticipated.

With friends who were already parents, there was a newfound sense of camaraderie. At the same time, I didn’t realize how much parenting styles or age of children mattered when it came to mom friends. It’s hard to hangout with someone when your kids are on opposite nap schedules.

On the flip side, I was the first person in all of my friend groups to have a baby and maintaining connections with friends without children presented its own set of challenges, often marked by differences in schedules, priorities, and even topics of conversation.

Then there was my relationship with my husband. Transitioning from being just partners to co-parents added layers of complexity we hadn’t encountered before. We had to redefine our dynamics, learn to share responsibilities, and constantly ensure that while we were evolving as parents, we weren’t losing sight of our bond as a couple.

Embracing our new roles meant understanding, patience, and lots of teamwork, as we embarked on this incredible journey of parenthood together.

Amidst all this, I realized the importance of clear communication. It was crucial for me to express my needs, especially when I felt overwhelmed or isolated. Seeking support outside of the social media advice that bombarded my newsfeed became less about pride and more about acknowledging that it truly does take a village. And my village is still very small. I am working on meeting new people and making more friends to journey alongside.

Embracing the Dual Identity

Motherhood has this uncanny way of amplifying our identities, making them both simpler and infinitely more complex. On one hand, there’s the undeniable, all-encompassing role of being a mother, a title filled with endless responsibilities and heart-swelling love.

Yet, on the other hand, there’s the individual—the woman with dreams, passions, and aspirations that existed long before the title of “mom” was bestowed upon her. Marrying these two identities has been both a challenge and a revelation.

Self-care has become more than just a buzzword; it has become a lifeline, reminding me of the importance of preserving my passions outside the realm of diapers. Every weekend my husband makes sure I get out to a coffee shop by myself for a few hours. It is a rhythm that is reenergizing and necessary.

There are moments I found myself missing the “old me”, the woman who moved a bit more freely, who had fewer strings attached. Yet, those fleeting pangs of nostalgia are always countered by the joy of discovering the “new me”, a version both rooted in the past and shaped by motherhood.

In a world that often glorifies individualism, striving to live selflessly for my family while still honoring my personal needs has become a delicate balancing act. But in that balance, I have found a deeper appreciation for the multifaceted woman God is creating me to be.

Wrapping Up: Growth & Gratitude

Reflecting on this journey, one of the most profound realizations has been an overwhelming appreciation for my own parents. I see their sacrifices and love in a completely new light, understanding the depth of what they’ve given and done.

Every stage of motherhood, I’ve come to see, is fleeting. Those sleepless nights, first giggles, and even the challenging tantrums—they all pass, replaced by new phases and moments. It’s made me cherish the here and now, even if it’s just for a moment.

This journey has been as much about my growth as an individual as it has been about being a mother. The intertwining paths of motherhood and self-discovery have taught me more about myself, but more importantly God, than I could’ve ever imagined.I am so much more aware of His love and reliant on His Word as a mom than I ever was before.

To all the moms out there navigating their own paths: embrace the beautiful, messy, and ever-evolving journey. Celebrate every twist, turn, and moment of growth. Let’s find joy in our unique stories and continue to discover the depths and dimensions of our ever-evolving selves.

Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you in the comments!

• Which aspect of the “From Me to Mom” journey resonated most with your own experience or perceptions of motherhood, and why?

• In what ways have you personally felt growth, or faced challenges, during your own transitions in life?